trying to find a reason to wake up every morning.

Hey.

This tumblr is mostly my way of trying to deal with all of my negative feelings. I've been living with some kind of depression most of my life, and it's gotten significantly worse over the past year. I'm trying to use writing as a way to get all of my feelings out, and deal with them healthily, as opposed to certain other ways I normally deal with depression.

I'm sorry if anything here sounds totally emo, childish, or flat out retarded. But this is how I feel, and I'm trying my best to get better.

But my best clearly just isn't good enough.

Install this theme

That lasted a long time.

I have to drop NDP. There’s a research project I just didn’t even know about due today, and I have nothing. I give up. I’m such a fucking pro at giving up.

I’m so terrible at my major. My career is bound to go nowhere after college. I can’t even handle easy fucking classes in my easy fucking major. How the hell am I going to handle doing real work in the real world? I get by being a Sysadmin for C by the fucking skin of my teeth. I don’t fucking do anything anymore, and I don’t contribute anything to discussions because I’m scared of other people finding out exactly how little I know.

I need to give up on women too. A, V’s off-on-again boyfriend, just left. I forgot how fucking perfect he is. He can get any woman he wants, anytime he wants. He’s so obnoxiously successful in his career, and he’s so socially well-adjusted. I wish I could be like him. I wish I could have any kind of success with women, or even people in general.

But we all know that’s never going to happen.

PRINT THIS POST WORDS: 7/1/11 — 3:09pm Short URL: http://tmblr.co/ZvwAVx6euVCe