I’m really bad at keeping this updated now…I should start doing that more often.

This past few days has been rough. I’ve been getting periodically depressed…and I’ve been thinking about suicide often. Never seriously, but it’s been a thought. It seems to be whenever I talk to P, one of my housemates. I don’t know if it’s his negativity, or how he dismisses/shoots down a lot of the things I say. I wonder if he’s actually my friend, or if he really just hates me like he hates almost everyone else. Sometimes it seems like he’s cool with me, but other times…I just don’t know.

Other times I’ve just woken up feeling terrible. I’ve had mixed success trying to make myself feel better. Yesterday was like that. I felt terrible when I woke up, then found a way to make myself feel better (music). Shortly afterwards, when P and V got back, I started feeling terrible again. Then I went to a death metal concert with G and I felt awesome again.

Afterwards, I went on 2 hour walk to/around campus. It was good way to clear my head and vocalize my thoughts.

I started playing trumpet again this week. I’m really bad now. I also started playing bass, but it seems like I’m better now than I was last time I tried playing. Weird. Hopefully I can get myself to practice trumpet more. That might be good for me.