I disabled my okcupid account. It’s making me feel worse, and I’ve given up on looking for someone. It’s become clear to me that I’m not anything close to what women want in men, so fuckit I guess. I can’t change myself, so I guess I’ll just be doomed to be single forever.

In other news, I visited S with V, G, and P. That was loads of fun. I felt depressed a few times on the trip, but I tried to put on a brave face and get over it so that S would have fun. It worked most of the time.

I can’t shake the idea that suicide is the best option right now. I’ve been thinking about it all weekend. I’m clearly not capable of getting anything I want out of life, I’m going to spend the rest of it alone (no family, friends or anything else) after college, and I’m can barely manage to keep my life together now kind of living on my own. I don’t have the social skills to get out there and meet other people and make new friends.

I should check to see if I can graduate come the end of next year, but quite frankly that thought scares me. I’m not going to be able to make it on my own at all. I just want to give up because that’s all I’m ever going to be good at.